Sunday, February 3, 2008
life happens
With too much going on, how do I decide what subject is most interesting to blog about? Having the pleasure of indulging in an intensive French language course with a room full of interesting, fun, stimulating immigrants? Getting over my severe inhibitions about speaking poor French? Discovering the delights of the Quebecoise culture, my ability to completely understand someone that is an FLE instructor, but understanding so little of what is spoken on the street?
Or the 'disease of motherhood', dealing with the realities of an adopted son's Fetal Alcohol Effects? The anguish, pain, sleepless nights, waking nightmares, loneliness, despair. Surtout the despair because I feel I should not be succumbing to this stress, but rather be able to rise above it. For the most part, EFT has been phenomenal in allowing me to get back to sleep after tossing and turning in that pool of despair. It is one of several stress-management strategies and tools that are keeping me healthy and mostly sane.
What I refer to as the 'disease of motherhood' is that compulsion to cook him breakfast after I have received less than stellar treatment from him. That angst that stays in the mind, wondering if he is passed-out in a snow bank in -20 degree weather. The heart-wrenching pain of it all. The inability to erase him from my heart.
I started reading Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning, about his experience in a Nazi concentrations camp. I didn't get too far into the book when I had a terrifying insight that he was actually describing my experience of living with the effects of my son's condition. It was too painful to continue, but I hope to pick it up again and write about the parallels as I see it.
So much to process....
Labels: FAE, Fetal Alcohol Effects, FLE, French language
